A Meerkat Christmas by Robert Joseph Ahola


The loving, charming, witty and somewhat dysfunctional Remus Jacobsen clan gather together every year for a rather lively Christmas celebration. But when daughter Erin, 23, brings home her 70 year-old fiancée who is living in his rusted out ‘62 Bentley, the holidays as they know them will never be the same again. But who is Kristoff Meerkat Elwing III? Is he, as is rumored, an eccentric billionaire? A con-artist? Or an Angel unaware?

The Cast

  • REMUS JACOBSEN: A very likable entrepreneur and former stockbroker who lost all his money in the market crash of 2000. Now, he’s making ends meet with panache, imagination, maxed-out credit cards and the occasional monetary contributions from his wealthy sister-in-law.

  • ESTER JACOBSEN: A Southern belle and woman out of time, she is the epitome of the drama queen and seemingly proud of it. Her beauty, though fading, is an obsession with her as is her strict adherence to tradition and all the trappings of family pride.

  • HYDRA ZEIDER: She is elegant but bitter. Abandoned, caustic, and utterly contemptuous of men. Ester, her former sister-in-law, keeps her around so that she may have someone else to complain to, and because she is very rich (and occasionally generous). She is also entirely suspicious of everyone… especially Kristoff Meerkat Elwing III, even though he apparently has nothing to hide.

  • JULIUS JACOBSEN: He is a hard working, emotionally repressed but dutiful son who has never allowed himself to have a childhood. Always the responsible one, he also likes to swear, but is being penalized for it by contributions to the “Christmas Box” every time he does.

  • MATILDA JACOBSEN (Matty). Julius Jacobsen’s surprisingly insightful wife, she seems and acts like a bimbo. Heaven only knows, her reputation precedes her. But isn’t there so much more to this seemingly shallow sexpot that first meets the eye?

  • ERIN JACOBSEN: Remus and Ester Jacobsen’s errant, unpredictable, beautiful, flighty, flower-child daughter who never does a single thing right and always manages to come out of it for the better. She is also a serial monogamist who has been engaged seven times. And has brought the last two fiancés home for Christmas. Kristoff Meerkat Elwing III is the third one.

  • KRUISTOFF MEERKAT ELWING III: Kris Elwing III, KME (a.k.a. Kris Kat) is seventy (on Christmas Day). Highly polished and utterly likable, he is the very essence of savoir-faire, and as such… impossible to dislike. He is spontaneous, witty, and always seems to speak his mind without reservation and inevitably to great effect. He is also occasionally disheveled, mischievous and apparently broke. Or is he? And where does he come from anyway? And is he a knight in shining armor or an eloquent down and outer?

The Setting

There is one main set and two ancillary sets. The main set, the Jacobsen living room, should be elegant and very festive with holiday a large decorated tree, presents and all the decorations. Ideally, there would be a couch and chairs enough to seat six and a bar with stools, and a mantle with fireplace. One window (implied or actual) should create a sense of Nature outside. The dining room would be best served if it were of a period like Chippendale and would include a table and (if possible) if possible a breakfront. A pocket set would include a front porch, or the hint of one, and will be used for only one brief scene. So an implied setting in this instance, would be a viable solution.

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