A Meerkat Christmas
by Robert Joseph Ahola
The loving, charming, witty and somewhat dysfunctional Remus Jacobsen clan
gather together every year for a rather lively Christmas celebration. But
when daughter Erin, 23, brings home her 70 year-old fiancée who is living in
his rusted out ‘62 Bentley, the holidays as they know them will never be the
same again. But who is Kristoff Meerkat Elwing III? Is he, as is rumored, an
eccentric billionaire? A con-artist? Or an Angel unaware?
REMUS JACOBSEN: A very likable entrepreneur and
former stockbroker who lost all his money in the market crash of 2000.
Now, he’s making ends meet with panache, imagination, maxed-out credit
cards and the occasional monetary contributions from his wealthy
ESTER JACOBSEN: A Southern belle and woman out of
time, she is the epitome of the drama queen and seemingly proud of it.
Her beauty, though fading, is an obsession with her as is her strict
adherence to tradition and all the trappings of family pride.
HYDRA ZEIDER: She is elegant but bitter. Abandoned,
caustic, and utterly contemptuous of men. Ester, her former
sister-in-law, keeps her around so that she may have someone else to
complain to, and because she is very rich (and occasionally generous).
She is also entirely suspicious of everyone… especially Kristoff Meerkat
Elwing III, even though he apparently has nothing to hide.
JULIUS JACOBSEN: He is a hard working, emotionally
repressed but dutiful son who has never allowed himself to have a
childhood. Always the responsible one, he also likes to swear, but is
being penalized for it by contributions to the “Christmas Box” every
time he does.
(Matty). Julius Jacobsen’s
surprisingly insightful wife, she seems and acts like a bimbo. Heaven
only knows, her reputation precedes her. But isn’t there so much more to
this seemingly shallow sexpot that first meets the eye?
ERIN JACOBSEN: Remus and Ester Jacobsen’s errant,
unpredictable, beautiful, flighty, flower-child daughter who never does
a single thing right and always manages to come out of it for the
better. She is also a serial monogamist who has been engaged seven
times. And has brought the last two fiancés home for Christmas. Kristoff
Meerkat Elwing III is the third one.
KRUISTOFF MEERKAT ELWING III: Kris Elwing III, KME
(a.k.a. Kris Kat) is seventy (on Christmas Day). Highly polished and
utterly likable, he is the very essence of savoir-faire, and as such…
impossible to dislike. He is spontaneous, witty, and always seems to
speak his mind without reservation and inevitably to great effect. He is
also occasionally disheveled, mischievous and apparently broke. Or is
he? And where does he come from anyway? And is he a knight in shining
armor or an eloquent down and outer?
There is one main set and two ancillary sets. The main
set, the Jacobsen living room, should be elegant and very festive with
holiday a large decorated tree, presents and all the decorations. Ideally,
there would be a couch and chairs enough to seat six and a bar with stools,
and a mantle with fireplace. One window (implied or actual) should create a
sense of Nature outside. The dining room would be best served if it were of
a period like Chippendale and would include a table and (if possible) if
possible a breakfront. A pocket set would include a front porch, or the hint
of one, and will be used for only one brief scene. So an implied setting in
this instance, would be a viable solution.
Also available from this Playwright