JAC Publishing & Promotions


Surprises by Roy Battocchio

ISBN #1-60513-233-0
JAC #2013-0011

I have found that when it comes to comedy, you can always depend on “surprise” to get the biggest laugh. From my experience, most comedy writers and performers tend to agree. Whether subtle of explosive, a good surprise can bring a reader or an audience to just where you want them. In the three one-acts herein, I’ve tried to accomplish just that by scattering a few surprises here and there. No message to stimulate the mind but rather (hopefully) something to tickle the funny bone. When told by his underlings that a particular movie had no message, MGM boss Louis B. Mayer is credited as saying, “If I wanted a message I’d call Western Union.” - Roy Battocchio 

Included in this trilogy:

“The Beach” - A veteran married couple spend a day at the beach in what appears to be an average day. Somewhere, however, there is a hidden “surprise” lurking, even though we find out it’s not what it appears to be. The entire action takes place on a Southern California beach on a hot, July 4th weekend. The time spans early morning until late afternoon of the same day. The time is present.

FRANK: 60-ish, overweight and balding. His life is average, ordinary— and he almost seems to prefer it that way. He has very little use for change, and is not as tough as he might seem.
ROSE: Frank’s wife of many years. Frank’s age, she is a bit overweight. Very outgoing.

“The Car” - If you haven’t already figured it out, “The Car” takes place in and around a brand-new El Niño motor vehicle as two middle-aged women return from a shopping spree and are “surprised” by a very unexpected stranger. The entire action takes place around Sylvia’s new car as it drives down an empty, dark, unfamiliar road late at night. The time is present.

SYLVIA: A successful business woman in her 50s, a strong person and a bit of a snob.
PHYLLIS: 50s, Sylvia’s best friend. Though quiet at times, she can hold her own when necessary. A bit on the nervous side, she is constantly chewing a toothpick.
MAN/ALBERTO/LEONARD: 50s, a one-time charming ladies man who is currently down on his luck. Very dramatic.

“The Theatre” - Perhaps summarizing “The Theatre” would be better left unsaid. Don’t want to give away the “surprise!”  All the action takes place in a theatre when the characters from the previous pieces coincidentally meet for the first time. The time is present.

(See above for all five characters.)

About This Playwright
A native of Mount Vernon (NY), Roy Battocchio’s first professional writing job was as a sports writer with the Yonkers Herald Statesman, just outside of New York City. He then spent several years with popular New York radio stations WOR and WINS as a music programmer. His interest in popular music led him to the music industry where he was Artist Relations Manager for Capitol Records and, later, RCA Records. During this time he worked with such legendary recording artists as The Beatles, Peggy Lee, Bobby Darin, Nat “King” Cole, Ella Fitzgerald, John Denver, Dolly Parton and many more. He continued his interest in writing by having his humorous essays and light verse carried in various publications, including McCall’s, Good Housekeeping, Family Circle, The Los Angeles Times and a number of other periodicals. He has written several episodes for television’s “Love Boat” and was head writer for “The New Hollywood Squares” (John Davidson/Joan Rivers edition). He also spent a period with Ralph Edwards/Stu Billett Productions in the development of game shows and other TV fare, many of which were his own creations. In the theatre he is an active member of Theatre West, one of Los Angeles’ oldest theatre companies. His comedy, “Thicker Than Water,” was first produced there in 2000 and presented again as a staged reading at the Coronet Theatre in Los Angeles starring Doris Roberts. It was produced again in 2004 at The Long Beach Playhouse, in Long Beach, California. It was also a finalist in the Dayton Ohio Futurefest Competition and produced there at the Dayton Playhouse. His one-act, “Crass Reunion”, was a semi-finalist in the Los Angeles First Stage contest and tied for first place in the Theatre West Ellen Idelson Playwrighting Award in 2007. (It was produced there later that year.) He has also had numerous other one-acts and short pieces produced at Theatre West and other west coast venues. His 10-minute piece, “Leap Year” was a finalist in The Secret Rose 10-Minute Play Festival in Los Angeles in October of 2007 and once again a finalist there with, “Goodie Bags” in 2010. His sequel to “Thicker Than Water”, entitled “Dead Wrong,” had a highly successful run at the Long Beach Playhouse in 2007. He has also been honored by having it accepted into the Eileen Heckert Senior Drama Collection at Ohio State University. His short comedy, “Something Old…Something New” was a finalist in The Lakeshore Players Theatre 10-minute Play Festival in the Minneapolis/St.Paul area in June of 2010. Another play, “Lemonade With A Twist” was a finalist in The Tehachapi, California Playwrights Festival and produced in 2010. In 2011, his 10-minute piece, "The Big Splash" was a winner in Secret Rose's monologue festival and went on to win again in their Best of the Best program. In the 2012 WestFest Festival at L.A.'s Theatre West, two of his short pieces, "Why Me?" and "The Plot Thickens" were featured on the program.  He recently completed a piece entitled, “More Fun Than Passing A Kidney Stone,” which he describes as, “A bunch of short comedies with absolutely no message.”  Battocchio is a member of The Writer’s Guild, The Dramatists Guild of America, The Alliance of Los Angeles Playwrights and The Automobile Club.

Have you read Battocchio's touching shorts Going Gently and What Are Friends For?, or perhaps his full-length Thicker Than Water and Dead Wrong?  Battocchio also has a variety of shorts available in Something Old/Something New!

Surprises by Roy Battocchio

$10.25/individual copy

$TBD/package +
$35/performance royalty

For more than one script or a script package, please call (781) 272-2066

Order via
This title is also available for

New England Entertainment Digest
New England Entertainment Digest
is owned by JAC Publishing & Promotions

JAC Publishing & Promotions
P.O. Box 88, Burlington, MA  01803