by Robert A. Eiland
Cast of Characters
- CAL "COOP" COOPER: About to turn
30; a little schlupy, paunchy, balding. Raised Jewish by his adoptive
parents. Aspires to be above average. He has grown up thinking he
suffers from a rare disease for which he takes weekly shots concocted by
his Uncle Jack. Conflict-averse, likes to please others. Starting to go
through huge physical (i.e. hormonal) and emotional changes, and is
freaked out by them.
- LANA LINCOFF: 30ish; Cal's
childhood sweetheart. Down-to-earth, warm, positive: a home body. Lost
her parents and little sister in a car accident. (Since Cal thinks he
lost his birth parents in an accident, too, this has been a powerful
bond between them.) She attends self-help support groups and workshops,
and is always up on the latest trend and the jargon.
- LOIS LANAGAN: 30s; the only
survivor from Cal's real home. Cool, incredibly smart, overly confident,
a little distant, athletic, beautiful, full of British charm. Sometimes
awkwardl straightforward. Adopted and home-schooled by a Russian
astrophysicist who moved to Great Britain so as not to work on Russia's
- LEXIE LUTERMAN: Cal's best friend
since elementary school. Still a big kid at heart and Sherwood's on Mr.
Wiseguy. Always coming up with harebrained schemes to make money; always
has a wisecrack at a tense moment - the perfect personality for his
sales job at the steel mill. Give him an Iron City beer, a hot dog, a
hot ate and a Pittsburg Pirates game, and he's in heaven. Seems a
simple, heart-on-his-sleeve type, but harbors depths and deviousness.
- MA COOPER: 60s. A conventional,
working Jewish woman who took on an extraordinary responsibility in her
early 30s by adopting Cal. Unwilling to accept her child could be a
"freak," she prevailed upon her brother Jack to develop a serum to
suppress Cal's special abilities. Has a rather black-and-white set of
standards. Domineering in a charming kind of way, expert in the art of
applying guilt to gain her ends. But her love, for all its burrs, is
unrelenting in its loyalty.
- POP COOPER: 60s-70s. Kind-hearted,
dedicated, a stroke victim with a gentle wisdom and humor that belies
his modesty and simple life. Never quite able to stand up to his wife,
but always has loved her devotedly. Conveys duances and depth with
extremely limited vocabulary. Dignified, and a little melancholy.
- UNCLE JACK: 60s. Wild card,
maverick, nomad, hold-out quasi-hippie scientist with offbeat humor and
lifestyle. A lavish (incessant) storyteller and generous soul with
adventures in his past that only the worst Philistine wouldn't find
fascinating. Wears the "Uncle" tag proudly, and takes family
responsibilities seriously. His love for his sister is bordered by
- SHANNON: Late teens-20s. Sweet,
responsible, sprightly and romantic; can wisecrack with the best of 'em,
and take a stand when pushed too far. A classic snow-town girl, former
cheerleader and prom queen. An oldest child who would go to the ends of
the earth for her friends. Has an unfortunate habit of picking Mr. Wrong
with almost every boyfriend.
- MATSON: 30-50. A consummate actor
and master of a variety of accents and disguises, he plays his "roles"
with relish, pararing backstories, gestures and wardrobes for each.
Fearless, witty, dependable, committed to his causes.
He put the lump in schlump. That's Cal Cooper, small town
man-boy always at the ready behind the counter of his dad's butcher shop, a
place where most folks aren't what they seem. Lately Coop's been getting the
weirdest cravings: for toothpaste, cigarette butts, even ammonia! Not to
mention for Lana, his fiancee. It all seems to correspond with the recent
shortage of the peculiar green serum his adoptive parents have been giving
him since he was a baby. And with the entrance onto the scene of the very
British, sexy but not very kosher Lois Lanagan. Soon Coop, much to his
wonderment and consternation, finds he is able to do things he could never
do before. Like sense what people are thinking, hypnotize virtually anyone
at will, perform inhuman feats of strength, Cal's best friend Lexie loves
watching him tear phone books in half. If only Cal could fly! Oh well. So
what has he become? Not a bird. Not a plane. It's Super Cooper. A warm
comedy about family and social consciousness. For the hero inside of us all.
BOB EILAND has published three plays,
all "dramadies," with JAC Publishing and Promotions.
was recognized with an Honorable Mention in the Writers Digest script
competition, and was accepted for production by Stageloft Repertory Theatre
for its New Playwrights Competition.
Super Cooper and
received staged readings in Northborough, MA and Harvard, MA respectively.
They are all available for purchase on amazon.com. He is a current member of
the Merrimack Valley Playwrights group in Lowell, and Founder/ex-President
of a Shakespeare-in-the-Park theater group in Medfield, MA, the Gazebo
Players. Bob has been active as a director, producer and actor for many
years. He directed The Miracle Worker, To Kill a Mockingbird
and The Night of the Iguana at Arlington Friends of the Drama, as
well as Androcles and the Lion, Murder Has Been Arranged and
The Most Dangerous Woman, a one-woman play about Mother Jones written
by his father, Ted Eiland, at other venues around Boston and Worcester. He
directs, produces and acts in staged readings of Old Time Radio scripts at
his home town library in Harvard, MA annually. As an actor, he has performed
as Charly in Flowers for Algernon, John Proctor in The Crucible,
Ford in Merry Wives of Windsor, Dogberry in Much Ado About
Nothing, Duke Orsino in Twelfth Night, Biff in Death of a
Salesman, and Mortimer in Arsenic and Old Lace. His film work
include principal roles in Michael Legge's Braindrainer, Night
Basement and Alien Agenda: Under the Skin; as well as in Teja
Arboleda's Got Race!
Check out Eiland's latest release:
The Stone Girl!
Playwright Robert Eiland Featured in the Harvard Post
JAC Publishing & Promotions
P.O. Box 88, Burlington, MA 01803